


I wish I could have told you

by BloodyYuki



Category: Original Work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:49:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25423423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BloodyYuki/pseuds/BloodyYuki
Summary: A letter to the man I love, who I'm not sure I will ever see again.
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

_To my light,_

I suppose it would be expected of me to pen my thoughts out to paper than to tell you this myself. Never would I have thought that you would become one of the reasons for my happiness. The day I met you was a surprise and I thought that was all it was. A surprise. 

You know me enough by now, to know that I hate parties and yet I chose to attend one. I had chosen to stay as close to the wall as possible, leaving my companions to their merriment. When you approached me, I thought you were looking for someone else but you were looking right at me. 

When you had asked me to dance, I thought you were mad. Where everyone else saw ugliness, you saw beauty. I had gotten so used to people staying away from me, that a man like you had to be jesting to approach me. You chose to speak to me and genuinely get to know me. I thought that was the last time I would see you and it would be all be just a treasured memory. 

When we finally met again, you almost didn't recognize me. The moment you realized, you could not hide your smile. At the time my heart was almost someone else's, but it seems you had taken a piece without me knowing. You cared for me in the way I hadn't been cared for in such a long time. I suppose it was fate that I had met you again after all that time. It was an opportunity that you took and never regretted. 

Even now, I wonder what could have been, should our paths not have crossed again. How a moment could have stayed a moment. Yet everyday when I look at your smiling face, when you hold me in your arms, when you call my name, I thank the gods everyday that we've spent this time being together.  
Still, I know the look on your face when I must go. When you wish I didn't have to leave for days, for weeks, even for months, but it had always been for you. 

You make me want to keep living. Keep fighting. That being apart from you was worth it, because that meant when I return, we could have more time together. We would have less worries. You could hold me beside the warmth of our hearth and we wouldn't think of the world falling apart. 

Sometimes I wish I could let the world fall apart, if it meant I get to be with you again. When I could hold you, when I could dance with you, when I could wake up and see you beside me and think how did I deserve to have you in my life? 

I wish I could make you feel more loved. I wish I could hold your hand and tell you how much you mean to me. I wish I could look into your bright blue eyes that pull me in deep and let you know how you have been my light. 

Conveying myself has always been hard. I suppose my only regret is not telling you enough about how much you mean to me. 

Forever yours,

LD


	2. What went wrong?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being away from her lover for so long, she has started to feel an emptiness. She has started to feel a longing more intensely as she sees before her what she wished she could have right now. It is an intense feeling of missing.

The feeling of immense confusion. The feeling of missing you. I could not fight this feeling of emptiness. When I saw this couple being so happy together, holding each other, I could not help but feel my heart tighten. It reminded me of us. 

Why could you not have trusted me? 

I just want to hug you all again. I just wish we were together again. Being away for so long and not knowing how you are, has me broken in all sorts of places. I just want to see you. When you could tell me you love me, that you believed in me, when you wanted to see me, and just hold me. I just want to hear your voice again and tell me it's going to be okay. I just want to know why you did it. That you'll do better. That you wanted what was best for us and not just yourself. But I know that isn't the case.

In my head, I could not come up with a good reason and with that, I question everything. I had given you every single part of me. 

I trusted you with the parts of me that hurt. I trusted you with my secrets. I trusted you with my past. Still, you chose to hide me from the people that mattered to you. You chose to hide the ugly parts of you. 

Were you ashamed of me? 

Was I not good enough? 

I still believed you loved me. I still try to believe that the three years together meant something. 

Yet now I am afraid. I am afraid that the doubt that I had tried to set aside has grown. I am afraid that what I doubt the most is real. I am afraid. I am so afraid that you no longer love me. I am afraid that my love for you was not enough. I am afraid that I was not enough. 

It may have been you who hurt me but I can't help but feel that maybe I could have done something. Anything. 

I know now that I wouldn't give everything to change what happened because then, I would have just created a reality for myself that feels unfulfilling. All I really wanted was you. For you to choose me. For you to choose us. 

I don't know how long it's been for you. I don't know if you've changed. I know I've changed being away from you. 

I wish I could still have you. I've accepted that I might not have that wish fulfilled. 

I miss you.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a letter from a character I have in a game to the man she loves, who she isn't sure she will see again. 
> 
> As our game progresses, I may write more!


End file.
